Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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