if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
where are you?
Hypothermia
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
