We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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