He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
