Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
