if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
