I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
