he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
