if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
