are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize