So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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