Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
