You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
