Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
