I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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