The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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