I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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