we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
