I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
