That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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