Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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