You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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