speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
