And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
