If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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