farters have to be the big spoon...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
