Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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