i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
