I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
