Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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