How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
