I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
