I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
