Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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