tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
