i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
