i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
