Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
