Do vagina's smell?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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