Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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