so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
