Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
