My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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