glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
