why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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