They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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