the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
