I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
