This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
