I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
