Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
