I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
