Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
