EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
