I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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