And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
