Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You made out with two different species that night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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