he puts the penis in happiness.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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