fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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