Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
