I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
