my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
